matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize