after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
