just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
