Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
