maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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