Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
