remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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