There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
