Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
