you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
