fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
