Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
