I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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