Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
