That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
