...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
