I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize