Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
