I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
