your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
