So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
