I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
