i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
