Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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