Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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