i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
