So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
