operation harelip BJ is a go
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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