If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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