i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
