I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
