he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
