the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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