I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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