Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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