i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
