btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize