I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
