It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
