Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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