I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
