It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
