So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize