I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want nice things and good sex
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
