Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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