i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
