are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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