saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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