Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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