4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just had sex on a roof
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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