Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
