some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
