Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When are your genitals available?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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