In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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