And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
