After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
