Me. At least after what I've been through.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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