i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
