he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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