I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize