It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
