found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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