the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
