I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
