I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
