its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
