He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
