Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My life is pants optional.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
