You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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